Just when you think you know it all...

As I'm trying to watch my daughter play baseball I feel a dizzy sensation. Not the first time - I've felt it frequently in spring or fall when watching outdoor events and there is a cool or cold breeZe on my face.

Finally it clicks - I do have a skin reaction of welts and itching when my skin is exposed to cooler air. This can happen inside as well as outdoors. But I did not consider the dizziness was a symptom so I looked it up. Yup, it's
another.

I've also been experiencing severely dry mouth which I had not previously. Guess what? Yup that's a symptom too.

So although I stand in faith on the promise of healing, I am momentarily feeling like a victim: like what next; not more symptoms!

But then I remember the bazillion things I have to be thankful for and I am no longer brought low. I know I can persevere. I have the God given grace to do it. I choose not to be a victim. I choose to reach out and help someone else.

It always works. When you think you can't bear another symptom, reach out and help someone else. It doesn't have to be physical help. It can be a phone call, an email, a listening ear. It may not make the pain or symptom go away, but it will release good chemicals in your mind and body that will help and it will get your mind off of the symptoms.

Teenage Depression

Not a lot of people know this statistic - 30% of teenagers suffer from teenage depression! Seems hard to believe. The problem is most parents don't think it's possible for their seemingly normal teen to suffer from depression.

We're not talking moody or depressed over some things that are going on. Or the ups and downs of relationships and hormones. Those things are a part of life. If those things send your child into a downward spiral most often you will recognize it. I mean depression - the kind that your child may not be able to explain. There is no particular reason for it. There are things going on in their minds that don't make sense or make them think or feel like they are going "crazy".

And sometimes the teen does ask for help or mentions things they feel but as parents often do, we tell them it's just a phase, no big deal, it'll pass, there's nothing wrong.

You know how they find out it is a big deal? They end up in the hospital because their teen has been cutting, or worse, they've attempted suicide and failed or succeeded.

I'm not trying to scare anyone. I just want to make parents and teens aware of this fact. So parents while you're talking to your child ask straight forward questions. Ask them if they've ever had thoughts of suicide or tried to commit suicide. Or if they have intentionally hurt themselves. Thoughts of suicide include things like feeling or thinking they are worthless or a waste of space; feeling like the world would be a better place without them. Don't be afraid to ask and don't be afraid of their answers. Depression does not have to be a death sentence. There is a way out.

And kids, if you reach out to someone and they don't take you seriously or they brush it off, reach out to someone else. Teachers, principals, pastors, doctors, your friend's parents, the suicide hotline - these are all possible avenues to get help. Don't give up. Talk about it. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. You are loved and wanted. Someone wants to help you. And God loves you no matter what. There is nothing you can do or say or think that would make Him stop loving you.

Some people try to cope by drinking or smoking or doing drugs. You don't have to do that either. It is possible to cope and move through this without those things.

So let's not make this subject off limits. Ignorance is not always bliss. Sometimes it can be deadly.

Who Switched Off My Brain?

Yay! It's here. I received my order of the book and DVD by Dr. Caroline Leaf - Who Switched off my Brain?

This is the teaching DVD that flipped my switch!

Thinking on purpose is something that has helped me a lot in dealing with depression. The bible tells us to take our thoughts captive. In other words we decide what we think. Not every thought is our own and we don't have to think every thought that passes through our minds. Our thoughts play a huge role in our mental health!

Getting a different Dr. and getting my medication straightened out was another step up the ladder. And on the recommendation of my Dr. I went for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). Over the couple of months I went for counseling I felt better and better until I felt ready to move on without it. That was an amazing day for me!

Then I found Dr. Caroline Leaf! Our church has this series as a Connect Course. There is so much information on how our brain functions and what we can do to heal our brain. But the biggest impact was a statement she made about forgiveness. Forgiveness is something I know plays a big part in our mental, physical and spiritual health. I forgave over and over again. It is not a feeling. It is a choice. However, it never occurred to me to repent of unforgiveness. Her statement was "Forgiveness starts with repentance." And, "the only way that you can break down a "bad" memory is through forgiveness and repentance."

What I came to realize in CBT was that I had a lot of anger because as far as I was concerned there was a particular responsible for my FMS and thus my depression. Even though I was sure that I forgave that person I kept blaming them.

Once I made the forgiveness/repentance connection and asked God for forgiveness for my unforgiveness, the switch flipped! It was the last step I needed to take!

I continue to watch my words and the confession of mouth as well as my thoughts. And I will forever. It is a part of a healthy mind, body and spirit.

This is not necessarily the thing that holds you back but I recommend taking this course because it will help you heal your mind!

In the mean time I encourage you to get the support you need through your church, friends, Doctor and counselor. There are a lot of scriptures you can fill your mind and heart with that are not only comforting but the truth of what you and I are in Christ.

If you are reading this because you are dealing with depression I hope you know that I really love you and God loves you more than you could ever imagine ! He wants you to live a full and healthy life!

Till the next post....

Symptoms or Side Effects?

If you've ever looked at an exhaustive list of FMS symptoms ( and believe me it has gotten longer in the 10 years I've had it) you've gotta wonder if some of the symptoms are actually side effects of medication.

Some of you might not know that anti-depressants actually help with fibro pain. Effexor is one of the major anti-depressants that has been prescribed for the pain. There are now specific medications for FMS pain. I have personally never tried any. I have benefited from this aspect of anti-depressants.

As my anti-depressant medication is lowered (because mentally I feel fabulous!) I feel more pain. Sucks but it's like the lesser of 2 evils.

Anyway, I have to say that a lot of listed symptoms I did not develop until I took certain meds. For instance, before Effexor I had never had a migraine. On Effexor they were a regular occurrence. Off of Effexor, I haven't had one since.

On Wellbutrin, I developed teeth clenching and grinding, TMJ symptoms. I never had them prior to that. I am still on Wellbutrin and am happy for it's motivational properties. But a mouth guard is now a night time regular.

Muscle twitches are also not something I experienced pre-Wellbutrin (accept for the few times I experienced Serotonin Syndrome - but that's another post).

And how does one untangle the confusion of whether or not your fatigue at any given moment is FMS related or a side effect of meds?

Those are a few of my symptom/side effect queries. Anyone else have these thoughts?

Till the next post.....

Fibro Fog

You may have had or have heard about Fibro Fog. If you deal with it, how does it affect you? There are different effects for everyone.

It can be scary at times to be unable to remember simple things or find the words you need to say. Words that are a part of daily vocabulary are simply lost. If you grasp long enough, someone will catch on and find the word for you. Saying words that are similar to what you want to say hoping you will remember the words. Speaking and the words come out all wrong but you can't concentrate to fix it. Even if you do it still comes out wrong. Performing the simple mental tasks that you do every day become almost impossible.

I know we all forget where we put our keys or don't remember if we locked the door. But this is different. Scary different. And really quite unexplainable.

But if you have had fibro fog and didn't know what it was, don't worry. It's not permanent.
It can make things difficult, but then FMS makes everything difficult.

What I don't know is what happens if you're in school or taking courses and fibro fog sets in. What do you do? If you work for someone and you can perform physically but not mentally I guess you take sick leave right? And if you're self employed what happens to your business?

I do know that surrounding yourself with friends and family that support and love you will help you deal with this aspect of fibromyalgia.

Part of the reason for not posting for a while is because fibro fog was getting in the way of being able to express myself. But one tip I do have is to make lists. Even if you are not a list person I would suggest to make that a habit. At least then you don't have to worry about forgetting to do important things. And it keeps you on track if you feel unable to do that on your own.

Until the next post.....

AAAANNNNDD - She's Back

Yes it's been a long time.

Spring break is over and things will get back to normal. What is normal? I think everybody's normal is different.

When I asked for help to name my blog I received a lot of great suggestions! I didn't use any of them simply because at the time I was starting the blog I was finally, after 40 years of being a Christian, learning to meditate on the Word of God.

That healing, fulfilling, joyful time of meditating brought me to 2 Timothy 2:1. I was studying (meditating) on hope. When I came to this verse it spoke volumes to me about where I was at. It was a poignant moment for me. It is actually a command to us: be strong in the Grace. And the only place we will find that grace is through Jesus Christ.

Back to my question of what is normal, one of the great title suggestions for this blog was "Unspoken Normalcy". I would say this is an accurate description of the life of anyone, but most certainly of those dealing with FMS and/or depression.

The limitations placed on us by these conditions are varied and plentiful. For example, my husband having to cook, get the kids off to school, grocery shop, and often single parenting of our children became our normal. Not baking, or doing yard work or not taking part in family activities became our normal. And sometimes I didn't separate FMS and depression. To do that would have taken more energy and cognitive ability than I had at the time.

Pain becomes normal. Fighting to keep from succumbing to feeling like you are going crazy becomes normal. Trying to hide how bad things are from your kids and husband and friends becomes normal. How could anybody understand? Why would she be depressed? How much pain could she be in? She doesn't look sick.

Your kids asking why you're tired, why you sleep all the time, why you don't play with them, becomes normal. After a while they just quit asking. You know why? Because it is normal.

Your kids can't have a lot of friends over because it is too overwhelming for Mom and sometimes just the sound of someone drumming their fingers on the table hurts her ears. That's normal - unspoken, but normal.

What can we do? The first thing we can do is COMMUNICATE. You don't have to share with all your acquaintances why you don't volunteer at school or church for example. But to those that care about you and love you, it is easier to share than hide.

On another note, I want to share 3 of the books that have helped me climb the mountain of depression. The first book is by Joyce Meyer - The Battlefield of The Mind. Great for everyday morning devotion. The second is the DVD or CD's of Casey Treat called Renew your Mind, Renew your Life. And the last one, the one that was a trigger to the biggest jump in recovery is the DVD series by Dr. Caroline Leaf - Who Switched off My Brain. You can also get it in book form. However I would recommend the DVD or taking a Connect Course at Springs Church in Winnipeg to better understand it. You can also take the Casey Treat course at Springs Church. In fact, Springs has a number of Connect Courses available throughout the year. They are all free and range from Grief Share to Raising your kids. You don't have to attend the church to take a course. Anyone can take them. Look them up at Springschurch.com to get a full list of courses and dates under the "Church Life" heading.

You'll notice a recurring theme in these books - the mind. We don't have to think every thought that comes into our minds. Over the past couple of years I have learned to think on purpose. I have learned that God has given us the ability to change our brains by changing our thoughts. It's not always easy. And it's not just about quoting scripture although we do need to declare the promises of God with our mouths. As stated in Dr. Caroline Leaf's book, "God gives us all of the tools and principles that we need in Philippians 4:8" And the result of using those tools is in the next verse, verse 9.

It's not just God telling us to NOT think of unpure things, from a spiritual stand point. Once you see how the brain processes a bad thought, you will realize the effect our thoughts have on the chemicals in our brain. He is giving us this tool because it effects our physical bodies as well as our spirit and soul.

Alright - that's enough for today.

Until the next post.....

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