Yay! It's here. I received my order of the book and DVD by Dr. Caroline Leaf - Who Switched off my Brain?
This is the teaching DVD that flipped my switch!
Thinking on purpose is something that has helped me a lot in dealing with depression. The bible tells us to take our thoughts captive. In other words we decide what we think. Not every thought is our own and we don't have to think every thought that passes through our minds. Our thoughts play a huge role in our mental health!
Getting a different Dr. and getting my medication straightened out was another step up the ladder. And on the recommendation of my Dr. I went for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). Over the couple of months I went for counseling I felt better and better until I felt ready to move on without it. That was an amazing day for me!
Then I found Dr. Caroline Leaf! Our church has this series as a Connect Course. There is so much information on how our brain functions and what we can do to heal our brain. But the biggest impact was a statement she made about forgiveness. Forgiveness is something I know plays a big part in our mental, physical and spiritual health. I forgave over and over again. It is not a feeling. It is a choice. However, it never occurred to me to repent of unforgiveness. Her statement was "Forgiveness starts with repentance." And, "the only way that you can break down a "bad" memory is through forgiveness and repentance."
What I came to realize in CBT was that I had a lot of anger because as far as I was concerned there was a particular responsible for my FMS and thus my depression. Even though I was sure that I forgave that person I kept blaming them.
Once I made the forgiveness/repentance connection and asked God for forgiveness for my unforgiveness, the switch flipped! It was the last step I needed to take!
I continue to watch my words and the confession of mouth as well as my thoughts. And I will forever. It is a part of a healthy mind, body and spirit.
This is not necessarily the thing that holds you back but I recommend taking this course because it will help you heal your mind!
In the mean time I encourage you to get the support you need through your church, friends, Doctor and counselor. There are a lot of scriptures you can fill your mind and heart with that are not only comforting but the truth of what you and I are in Christ.
If you are reading this because you are dealing with depression I hope you know that I really love you and God loves you more than you could ever imagine ! He wants you to live a full and healthy life!
Till the next post....
Thursday, 28 April 2011
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Symptoms or Side Effects?
If you've ever looked at an exhaustive list of FMS symptoms ( and believe me it has gotten longer in the 10 years I've had it) you've gotta wonder if some of the symptoms are actually side effects of medication.
Some of you might not know that anti-depressants actually help with fibro pain. Effexor is one of the major anti-depressants that has been prescribed for the pain. There are now specific medications for FMS pain. I have personally never tried any. I have benefited from this aspect of anti-depressants.
As my anti-depressant medication is lowered (because mentally I feel fabulous!) I feel more pain. Sucks but it's like the lesser of 2 evils.
Anyway, I have to say that a lot of listed symptoms I did not develop until I took certain meds. For instance, before Effexor I had never had a migraine. On Effexor they were a regular occurrence. Off of Effexor, I haven't had one since.
On Wellbutrin, I developed teeth clenching and grinding, TMJ symptoms. I never had them prior to that. I am still on Wellbutrin and am happy for it's motivational properties. But a mouth guard is now a night time regular.
Muscle twitches are also not something I experienced pre-Wellbutrin (accept for the few times I experienced Serotonin Syndrome - but that's another post).
And how does one untangle the confusion of whether or not your fatigue at any given moment is FMS related or a side effect of meds?
Those are a few of my symptom/side effect queries. Anyone else have these thoughts?
Till the next post.....
Some of you might not know that anti-depressants actually help with fibro pain. Effexor is one of the major anti-depressants that has been prescribed for the pain. There are now specific medications for FMS pain. I have personally never tried any. I have benefited from this aspect of anti-depressants.
As my anti-depressant medication is lowered (because mentally I feel fabulous!) I feel more pain. Sucks but it's like the lesser of 2 evils.
Anyway, I have to say that a lot of listed symptoms I did not develop until I took certain meds. For instance, before Effexor I had never had a migraine. On Effexor they were a regular occurrence. Off of Effexor, I haven't had one since.
On Wellbutrin, I developed teeth clenching and grinding, TMJ symptoms. I never had them prior to that. I am still on Wellbutrin and am happy for it's motivational properties. But a mouth guard is now a night time regular.
Muscle twitches are also not something I experienced pre-Wellbutrin (accept for the few times I experienced Serotonin Syndrome - but that's another post).
And how does one untangle the confusion of whether or not your fatigue at any given moment is FMS related or a side effect of meds?
Those are a few of my symptom/side effect queries. Anyone else have these thoughts?
Till the next post.....
Fibro Fog
You may have had or have heard about Fibro Fog. If you deal with it, how does it affect you? There are different effects for everyone.
It can be scary at times to be unable to remember simple things or find the words you need to say. Words that are a part of daily vocabulary are simply lost. If you grasp long enough, someone will catch on and find the word for you. Saying words that are similar to what you want to say hoping you will remember the words. Speaking and the words come out all wrong but you can't concentrate to fix it. Even if you do it still comes out wrong. Performing the simple mental tasks that you do every day become almost impossible.
I know we all forget where we put our keys or don't remember if we locked the door. But this is different. Scary different. And really quite unexplainable.
But if you have had fibro fog and didn't know what it was, don't worry. It's not permanent.
It can make things difficult, but then FMS makes everything difficult.
What I don't know is what happens if you're in school or taking courses and fibro fog sets in. What do you do? If you work for someone and you can perform physically but not mentally I guess you take sick leave right? And if you're self employed what happens to your business?
I do know that surrounding yourself with friends and family that support and love you will help you deal with this aspect of fibromyalgia.
Part of the reason for not posting for a while is because fibro fog was getting in the way of being able to express myself. But one tip I do have is to make lists. Even if you are not a list person I would suggest to make that a habit. At least then you don't have to worry about forgetting to do important things. And it keeps you on track if you feel unable to do that on your own.
Until the next post.....
It can be scary at times to be unable to remember simple things or find the words you need to say. Words that are a part of daily vocabulary are simply lost. If you grasp long enough, someone will catch on and find the word for you. Saying words that are similar to what you want to say hoping you will remember the words. Speaking and the words come out all wrong but you can't concentrate to fix it. Even if you do it still comes out wrong. Performing the simple mental tasks that you do every day become almost impossible.
I know we all forget where we put our keys or don't remember if we locked the door. But this is different. Scary different. And really quite unexplainable.
But if you have had fibro fog and didn't know what it was, don't worry. It's not permanent.
It can make things difficult, but then FMS makes everything difficult.
What I don't know is what happens if you're in school or taking courses and fibro fog sets in. What do you do? If you work for someone and you can perform physically but not mentally I guess you take sick leave right? And if you're self employed what happens to your business?
I do know that surrounding yourself with friends and family that support and love you will help you deal with this aspect of fibromyalgia.
Part of the reason for not posting for a while is because fibro fog was getting in the way of being able to express myself. But one tip I do have is to make lists. Even if you are not a list person I would suggest to make that a habit. At least then you don't have to worry about forgetting to do important things. And it keeps you on track if you feel unable to do that on your own.
Until the next post.....
Saturday, 2 April 2011
AAAANNNNDD - She's Back
Yes it's been a long time.
Spring break is over and things will get back to normal. What is normal? I think everybody's normal is different.
When I asked for help to name my blog I received a lot of great suggestions! I didn't use any of them simply because at the time I was starting the blog I was finally, after 40 years of being a Christian, learning to meditate on the Word of God.
That healing, fulfilling, joyful time of meditating brought me to 2 Timothy 2:1. I was studying (meditating) on hope. When I came to this verse it spoke volumes to me about where I was at. It was a poignant moment for me. It is actually a command to us: be strong in the Grace. And the only place we will find that grace is through Jesus Christ.
Back to my question of what is normal, one of the great title suggestions for this blog was "Unspoken Normalcy". I would say this is an accurate description of the life of anyone, but most certainly of those dealing with FMS and/or depression.
The limitations placed on us by these conditions are varied and plentiful. For example, my husband having to cook, get the kids off to school, grocery shop, and often single parenting of our children became our normal. Not baking, or doing yard work or not taking part in family activities became our normal. And sometimes I didn't separate FMS and depression. To do that would have taken more energy and cognitive ability than I had at the time.
Pain becomes normal. Fighting to keep from succumbing to feeling like you are going crazy becomes normal. Trying to hide how bad things are from your kids and husband and friends becomes normal. How could anybody understand? Why would she be depressed? How much pain could she be in? She doesn't look sick.
Your kids asking why you're tired, why you sleep all the time, why you don't play with them, becomes normal. After a while they just quit asking. You know why? Because it is normal.
Your kids can't have a lot of friends over because it is too overwhelming for Mom and sometimes just the sound of someone drumming their fingers on the table hurts her ears. That's normal - unspoken, but normal.
What can we do? The first thing we can do is COMMUNICATE. You don't have to share with all your acquaintances why you don't volunteer at school or church for example. But to those that care about you and love you, it is easier to share than hide.
On another note, I want to share 3 of the books that have helped me climb the mountain of depression. The first book is by Joyce Meyer - The Battlefield of The Mind. Great for everyday morning devotion. The second is the DVD or CD's of Casey Treat called Renew your Mind, Renew your Life. And the last one, the one that was a trigger to the biggest jump in recovery is the DVD series by Dr. Caroline Leaf - Who Switched off My Brain. You can also get it in book form. However I would recommend the DVD or taking a Connect Course at Springs Church in Winnipeg to better understand it. You can also take the Casey Treat course at Springs Church. In fact, Springs has a number of Connect Courses available throughout the year. They are all free and range from Grief Share to Raising your kids. You don't have to attend the church to take a course. Anyone can take them. Look them up at Springschurch.com to get a full list of courses and dates under the "Church Life" heading.
You'll notice a recurring theme in these books - the mind. We don't have to think every thought that comes into our minds. Over the past couple of years I have learned to think on purpose. I have learned that God has given us the ability to change our brains by changing our thoughts. It's not always easy. And it's not just about quoting scripture although we do need to declare the promises of God with our mouths. As stated in Dr. Caroline Leaf's book, "God gives us all of the tools and principles that we need in Philippians 4:8" And the result of using those tools is in the next verse, verse 9.
It's not just God telling us to NOT think of unpure things, from a spiritual stand point. Once you see how the brain processes a bad thought, you will realize the effect our thoughts have on the chemicals in our brain. He is giving us this tool because it effects our physical bodies as well as our spirit and soul.
Alright - that's enough for today.
Until the next post.....
Spring break is over and things will get back to normal. What is normal? I think everybody's normal is different.
When I asked for help to name my blog I received a lot of great suggestions! I didn't use any of them simply because at the time I was starting the blog I was finally, after 40 years of being a Christian, learning to meditate on the Word of God.
That healing, fulfilling, joyful time of meditating brought me to 2 Timothy 2:1. I was studying (meditating) on hope. When I came to this verse it spoke volumes to me about where I was at. It was a poignant moment for me. It is actually a command to us: be strong in the Grace. And the only place we will find that grace is through Jesus Christ.
Back to my question of what is normal, one of the great title suggestions for this blog was "Unspoken Normalcy". I would say this is an accurate description of the life of anyone, but most certainly of those dealing with FMS and/or depression.
The limitations placed on us by these conditions are varied and plentiful. For example, my husband having to cook, get the kids off to school, grocery shop, and often single parenting of our children became our normal. Not baking, or doing yard work or not taking part in family activities became our normal. And sometimes I didn't separate FMS and depression. To do that would have taken more energy and cognitive ability than I had at the time.
Pain becomes normal. Fighting to keep from succumbing to feeling like you are going crazy becomes normal. Trying to hide how bad things are from your kids and husband and friends becomes normal. How could anybody understand? Why would she be depressed? How much pain could she be in? She doesn't look sick.
Your kids asking why you're tired, why you sleep all the time, why you don't play with them, becomes normal. After a while they just quit asking. You know why? Because it is normal.
Your kids can't have a lot of friends over because it is too overwhelming for Mom and sometimes just the sound of someone drumming their fingers on the table hurts her ears. That's normal - unspoken, but normal.
What can we do? The first thing we can do is COMMUNICATE. You don't have to share with all your acquaintances why you don't volunteer at school or church for example. But to those that care about you and love you, it is easier to share than hide.
On another note, I want to share 3 of the books that have helped me climb the mountain of depression. The first book is by Joyce Meyer - The Battlefield of The Mind. Great for everyday morning devotion. The second is the DVD or CD's of Casey Treat called Renew your Mind, Renew your Life. And the last one, the one that was a trigger to the biggest jump in recovery is the DVD series by Dr. Caroline Leaf - Who Switched off My Brain. You can also get it in book form. However I would recommend the DVD or taking a Connect Course at Springs Church in Winnipeg to better understand it. You can also take the Casey Treat course at Springs Church. In fact, Springs has a number of Connect Courses available throughout the year. They are all free and range from Grief Share to Raising your kids. You don't have to attend the church to take a course. Anyone can take them. Look them up at Springschurch.com to get a full list of courses and dates under the "Church Life" heading.
You'll notice a recurring theme in these books - the mind. We don't have to think every thought that comes into our minds. Over the past couple of years I have learned to think on purpose. I have learned that God has given us the ability to change our brains by changing our thoughts. It's not always easy. And it's not just about quoting scripture although we do need to declare the promises of God with our mouths. As stated in Dr. Caroline Leaf's book, "God gives us all of the tools and principles that we need in Philippians 4:8" And the result of using those tools is in the next verse, verse 9.
It's not just God telling us to NOT think of unpure things, from a spiritual stand point. Once you see how the brain processes a bad thought, you will realize the effect our thoughts have on the chemicals in our brain. He is giving us this tool because it effects our physical bodies as well as our spirit and soul.
Alright - that's enough for today.
Until the next post.....
Friday, 25 March 2011
Thursday, 24 March 2011
In Awe....
The other day I was looking out my window at the dormant trees, the snow, and the sky. For at least the last 5 years I have felt like the dormant trees of winter. My whole life was winter! I felt numb.
I felt hopeless sometimes; felt like God was far away. I didn't feel like He cared or that anybody else cared. That, of course was all a lie. God was never far from me, which I knew deep in my heart. The experiences and relationship that I had with God prior to getting sick were real. They were what built the faith I needed to continue even when my brain and body were telling a different story.
So what is the point? The point is that after over 10 years of struggling, when I was looking out my window at the snow and sky and trees, I FELT the beauty. I didn't just see it, but I could FEEL it! I think the last time I felt beauty was 7 years ago when my daughter was born. Needless to say I was "In Awe" of the God's creation and the ability to finally feel it.
If you have felt or feel numb or hopeless, like you can't go on, I want to tell you there is HOPE. Ya, I know you've heard it before. In my lowest moment, when the only thing that went through my mind was "waste of space" - "waste of space" - "waste of space" , no one could tell me there was hope. But I have lived to tell another story. At the back of my mind I knew this wasn't God's plan for me and that a lot of people would be hurt for life if I gave up.
How do things get so bad? I had nothing to be depressed about. So besides the confusion there was massive amounts of guilt. But that is for another post.
This low spot came at a time when I was between medication changes. I needed help to get onto the bottom rung of the ladder. Changing doctors and medication were the first step up. The next was talking to my Doc about it. Then at his recommendation, I went for counseling. CBT is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is talk therapy that helps identify where your thoughts are going wrong and how to change those patterns and behaviors.
If you find yourself in this or a similar situation please go see your doctor. If you don't have one or don't think you can wait that long, please go to your local ER. Tell a friend or family member and ask for help. Call your church or any church if you don't attend one. Don't be afraid. If you don't feel you can do these things, call a suicide help line. If you google it you will find a number for your area.
You don't have to be the one suffering from depression or thoughts of suicide to be the one to call a help line or a doctor about this. If you know someone that needs immediate help, do it for them. If they can wait to see a doctor or counselor then be there for them and support them. Support is a very valuable tool to recovery. Don't underestimate how much your support can help. Love on them. Don't judge them. Don't try to "fix" them.
My experience is related to clinical depression. I don't know much about PTSD, or Bi-polar or other sorts of mental disorders. But I do know that there is love and support out there for you. And above all, God loves you and will always be there for you.
Till the next post...
I felt hopeless sometimes; felt like God was far away. I didn't feel like He cared or that anybody else cared. That, of course was all a lie. God was never far from me, which I knew deep in my heart. The experiences and relationship that I had with God prior to getting sick were real. They were what built the faith I needed to continue even when my brain and body were telling a different story.
So what is the point? The point is that after over 10 years of struggling, when I was looking out my window at the snow and sky and trees, I FELT the beauty. I didn't just see it, but I could FEEL it! I think the last time I felt beauty was 7 years ago when my daughter was born. Needless to say I was "In Awe" of the God's creation and the ability to finally feel it.
If you have felt or feel numb or hopeless, like you can't go on, I want to tell you there is HOPE. Ya, I know you've heard it before. In my lowest moment, when the only thing that went through my mind was "waste of space" - "waste of space" - "waste of space" , no one could tell me there was hope. But I have lived to tell another story. At the back of my mind I knew this wasn't God's plan for me and that a lot of people would be hurt for life if I gave up.
How do things get so bad? I had nothing to be depressed about. So besides the confusion there was massive amounts of guilt. But that is for another post.
This low spot came at a time when I was between medication changes. I needed help to get onto the bottom rung of the ladder. Changing doctors and medication were the first step up. The next was talking to my Doc about it. Then at his recommendation, I went for counseling. CBT is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is talk therapy that helps identify where your thoughts are going wrong and how to change those patterns and behaviors.
If you find yourself in this or a similar situation please go see your doctor. If you don't have one or don't think you can wait that long, please go to your local ER. Tell a friend or family member and ask for help. Call your church or any church if you don't attend one. Don't be afraid. If you don't feel you can do these things, call a suicide help line. If you google it you will find a number for your area.
You don't have to be the one suffering from depression or thoughts of suicide to be the one to call a help line or a doctor about this. If you know someone that needs immediate help, do it for them. If they can wait to see a doctor or counselor then be there for them and support them. Support is a very valuable tool to recovery. Don't underestimate how much your support can help. Love on them. Don't judge them. Don't try to "fix" them.
My experience is related to clinical depression. I don't know much about PTSD, or Bi-polar or other sorts of mental disorders. But I do know that there is love and support out there for you. And above all, God loves you and will always be there for you.
Till the next post...
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
The First Time
So this is it. I never would have believed it if you had told me I would blog some day! So the question is "why now"?
There are a few reasons.First - I want to help, encourage, listen to, share with and pray for anyone who wants or needs it. I would not have said this a year ago. I was still in self-preservation mode a year ago but I have received love, support, teaching and prayers that have and still do help me on the road to recovery. I am truly blessed and I want to be a blessing!
Second - There are too many people hiding the fact that they suffer from depression or that they are on meds for it or in counseling for it because they are ashamed. It seems that a lack of knowledge has created such a stigma around the subject that there are any number of repercussions to divulging. So this blog is hopefully going to be a tool to help educate those that do not understand it and tips on dealing with it day to day and sometimes moment to moment.
And lastly - fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS) is difficult to explain or understand and even more difficult to live with. Often FMS and depression are intermingled as are other conditions such as arthritis. The symptoms of FMS will often vary widely from one person to the next. If you've been diagnosed with it or know someone who has, this will be the place to talk about coping with the various symptoms.
I do not claim to have all the answers or all the facts. I am not a doctor, counselor or an expert. So what qualifies me to talk about any of the above? Life experience. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in August 2001 after "post-viral" symptoms that started with a flu in May of 2000. The depression diagnosis came in December of 2001 after about 6 months of symptoms.
In the next few posts I will share some of my experiences and the things that helped me climb this mountain. I didn't do this alone.
In the meantime, here is some info. on FMS for anyone wanting to know what it is or for anyone needing to explain it:
http://www.tipsonhealthyliving.com/health-and-wellness/how-to-talk-about-your-fibromyalgia-diagnosis-with-those-you-love (I don't know why it didn't show up as a link. Can someone tell me how to get it here as a link of copying and pasting?)
Till the next post......
There are a few reasons.First - I want to help, encourage, listen to, share with and pray for anyone who wants or needs it. I would not have said this a year ago. I was still in self-preservation mode a year ago but I have received love, support, teaching and prayers that have and still do help me on the road to recovery. I am truly blessed and I want to be a blessing!
Second - There are too many people hiding the fact that they suffer from depression or that they are on meds for it or in counseling for it because they are ashamed. It seems that a lack of knowledge has created such a stigma around the subject that there are any number of repercussions to divulging. So this blog is hopefully going to be a tool to help educate those that do not understand it and tips on dealing with it day to day and sometimes moment to moment.
And lastly - fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS) is difficult to explain or understand and even more difficult to live with. Often FMS and depression are intermingled as are other conditions such as arthritis. The symptoms of FMS will often vary widely from one person to the next. If you've been diagnosed with it or know someone who has, this will be the place to talk about coping with the various symptoms.
I do not claim to have all the answers or all the facts. I am not a doctor, counselor or an expert. So what qualifies me to talk about any of the above? Life experience. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in August 2001 after "post-viral" symptoms that started with a flu in May of 2000. The depression diagnosis came in December of 2001 after about 6 months of symptoms.
In the next few posts I will share some of my experiences and the things that helped me climb this mountain. I didn't do this alone.
In the meantime, here is some info. on FMS for anyone wanting to know what it is or for anyone needing to explain it:
http://www.tipsonhealthyliving.com/health-and-wellness/how-to-talk-about-your-fibromyalgia-diagnosis-with-those-you-love (I don't know why it didn't show up as a link. Can someone tell me how to get it here as a link of copying and pasting?)
Till the next post......
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