Friday, 25 March 2011
Thursday, 24 March 2011
In Awe....
The other day I was looking out my window at the dormant trees, the snow, and the sky. For at least the last 5 years I have felt like the dormant trees of winter. My whole life was winter! I felt numb.
I felt hopeless sometimes; felt like God was far away. I didn't feel like He cared or that anybody else cared. That, of course was all a lie. God was never far from me, which I knew deep in my heart. The experiences and relationship that I had with God prior to getting sick were real. They were what built the faith I needed to continue even when my brain and body were telling a different story.
So what is the point? The point is that after over 10 years of struggling, when I was looking out my window at the snow and sky and trees, I FELT the beauty. I didn't just see it, but I could FEEL it! I think the last time I felt beauty was 7 years ago when my daughter was born. Needless to say I was "In Awe" of the God's creation and the ability to finally feel it.
If you have felt or feel numb or hopeless, like you can't go on, I want to tell you there is HOPE. Ya, I know you've heard it before. In my lowest moment, when the only thing that went through my mind was "waste of space" - "waste of space" - "waste of space" , no one could tell me there was hope. But I have lived to tell another story. At the back of my mind I knew this wasn't God's plan for me and that a lot of people would be hurt for life if I gave up.
How do things get so bad? I had nothing to be depressed about. So besides the confusion there was massive amounts of guilt. But that is for another post.
This low spot came at a time when I was between medication changes. I needed help to get onto the bottom rung of the ladder. Changing doctors and medication were the first step up. The next was talking to my Doc about it. Then at his recommendation, I went for counseling. CBT is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is talk therapy that helps identify where your thoughts are going wrong and how to change those patterns and behaviors.
If you find yourself in this or a similar situation please go see your doctor. If you don't have one or don't think you can wait that long, please go to your local ER. Tell a friend or family member and ask for help. Call your church or any church if you don't attend one. Don't be afraid. If you don't feel you can do these things, call a suicide help line. If you google it you will find a number for your area.
You don't have to be the one suffering from depression or thoughts of suicide to be the one to call a help line or a doctor about this. If you know someone that needs immediate help, do it for them. If they can wait to see a doctor or counselor then be there for them and support them. Support is a very valuable tool to recovery. Don't underestimate how much your support can help. Love on them. Don't judge them. Don't try to "fix" them.
My experience is related to clinical depression. I don't know much about PTSD, or Bi-polar or other sorts of mental disorders. But I do know that there is love and support out there for you. And above all, God loves you and will always be there for you.
Till the next post...
I felt hopeless sometimes; felt like God was far away. I didn't feel like He cared or that anybody else cared. That, of course was all a lie. God was never far from me, which I knew deep in my heart. The experiences and relationship that I had with God prior to getting sick were real. They were what built the faith I needed to continue even when my brain and body were telling a different story.
So what is the point? The point is that after over 10 years of struggling, when I was looking out my window at the snow and sky and trees, I FELT the beauty. I didn't just see it, but I could FEEL it! I think the last time I felt beauty was 7 years ago when my daughter was born. Needless to say I was "In Awe" of the God's creation and the ability to finally feel it.
If you have felt or feel numb or hopeless, like you can't go on, I want to tell you there is HOPE. Ya, I know you've heard it before. In my lowest moment, when the only thing that went through my mind was "waste of space" - "waste of space" - "waste of space" , no one could tell me there was hope. But I have lived to tell another story. At the back of my mind I knew this wasn't God's plan for me and that a lot of people would be hurt for life if I gave up.
How do things get so bad? I had nothing to be depressed about. So besides the confusion there was massive amounts of guilt. But that is for another post.
This low spot came at a time when I was between medication changes. I needed help to get onto the bottom rung of the ladder. Changing doctors and medication were the first step up. The next was talking to my Doc about it. Then at his recommendation, I went for counseling. CBT is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is talk therapy that helps identify where your thoughts are going wrong and how to change those patterns and behaviors.
If you find yourself in this or a similar situation please go see your doctor. If you don't have one or don't think you can wait that long, please go to your local ER. Tell a friend or family member and ask for help. Call your church or any church if you don't attend one. Don't be afraid. If you don't feel you can do these things, call a suicide help line. If you google it you will find a number for your area.
You don't have to be the one suffering from depression or thoughts of suicide to be the one to call a help line or a doctor about this. If you know someone that needs immediate help, do it for them. If they can wait to see a doctor or counselor then be there for them and support them. Support is a very valuable tool to recovery. Don't underestimate how much your support can help. Love on them. Don't judge them. Don't try to "fix" them.
My experience is related to clinical depression. I don't know much about PTSD, or Bi-polar or other sorts of mental disorders. But I do know that there is love and support out there for you. And above all, God loves you and will always be there for you.
Till the next post...
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
The First Time
So this is it. I never would have believed it if you had told me I would blog some day! So the question is "why now"?
There are a few reasons.First - I want to help, encourage, listen to, share with and pray for anyone who wants or needs it. I would not have said this a year ago. I was still in self-preservation mode a year ago but I have received love, support, teaching and prayers that have and still do help me on the road to recovery. I am truly blessed and I want to be a blessing!
Second - There are too many people hiding the fact that they suffer from depression or that they are on meds for it or in counseling for it because they are ashamed. It seems that a lack of knowledge has created such a stigma around the subject that there are any number of repercussions to divulging. So this blog is hopefully going to be a tool to help educate those that do not understand it and tips on dealing with it day to day and sometimes moment to moment.
And lastly - fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS) is difficult to explain or understand and even more difficult to live with. Often FMS and depression are intermingled as are other conditions such as arthritis. The symptoms of FMS will often vary widely from one person to the next. If you've been diagnosed with it or know someone who has, this will be the place to talk about coping with the various symptoms.
I do not claim to have all the answers or all the facts. I am not a doctor, counselor or an expert. So what qualifies me to talk about any of the above? Life experience. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in August 2001 after "post-viral" symptoms that started with a flu in May of 2000. The depression diagnosis came in December of 2001 after about 6 months of symptoms.
In the next few posts I will share some of my experiences and the things that helped me climb this mountain. I didn't do this alone.
In the meantime, here is some info. on FMS for anyone wanting to know what it is or for anyone needing to explain it:
http://www.tipsonhealthyliving.com/health-and-wellness/how-to-talk-about-your-fibromyalgia-diagnosis-with-those-you-love (I don't know why it didn't show up as a link. Can someone tell me how to get it here as a link of copying and pasting?)
Till the next post......
There are a few reasons.First - I want to help, encourage, listen to, share with and pray for anyone who wants or needs it. I would not have said this a year ago. I was still in self-preservation mode a year ago but I have received love, support, teaching and prayers that have and still do help me on the road to recovery. I am truly blessed and I want to be a blessing!
Second - There are too many people hiding the fact that they suffer from depression or that they are on meds for it or in counseling for it because they are ashamed. It seems that a lack of knowledge has created such a stigma around the subject that there are any number of repercussions to divulging. So this blog is hopefully going to be a tool to help educate those that do not understand it and tips on dealing with it day to day and sometimes moment to moment.
And lastly - fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS) is difficult to explain or understand and even more difficult to live with. Often FMS and depression are intermingled as are other conditions such as arthritis. The symptoms of FMS will often vary widely from one person to the next. If you've been diagnosed with it or know someone who has, this will be the place to talk about coping with the various symptoms.
I do not claim to have all the answers or all the facts. I am not a doctor, counselor or an expert. So what qualifies me to talk about any of the above? Life experience. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in August 2001 after "post-viral" symptoms that started with a flu in May of 2000. The depression diagnosis came in December of 2001 after about 6 months of symptoms.
In the next few posts I will share some of my experiences and the things that helped me climb this mountain. I didn't do this alone.
In the meantime, here is some info. on FMS for anyone wanting to know what it is or for anyone needing to explain it:
http://www.tipsonhealthyliving.com/health-and-wellness/how-to-talk-about-your-fibromyalgia-diagnosis-with-those-you-love (I don't know why it didn't show up as a link. Can someone tell me how to get it here as a link of copying and pasting?)
Till the next post......
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